You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
