Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
