Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
