The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
