See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Houston, we have a blender
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
