just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
