And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
