You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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