You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
