im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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