Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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