I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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