toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want to make a zoo with you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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