He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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