What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
