You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
