lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
