Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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