i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass