There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.