I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
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It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect