shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
