everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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