awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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