right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
