Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize