I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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