one two three fourrrrnication!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
