If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
