We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it's like heaven, but drunker
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
