Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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