If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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