but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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