Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
false alarm, still single
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
