i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
