smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
