i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
