Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
