He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
