okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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