wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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