I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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