Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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