Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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