the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
