Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
