Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
