We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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