Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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