This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
