I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
