I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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