Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
