He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
