You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
