I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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