your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Found your dick twin last night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
