you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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