the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize