i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
